Conan Decends on Tulsa, We Ascend to the OK State

Last weekend myself, Big and Brown decided to take a little road trip to see Conan O'Brien's "Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour" in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Why Tulsa you ask? Well, simply because Dallas and Austin were already sold out and Tulsa was the next closest city we could make it to. It's not like we thought "Hell yeah, let's see him in Tulsa! That city is so much better than Dallas or Austin!" No! But we did end up having a pleasant time and the show was hilarious.

Big and Brown started their drive to Tulsa around noon on Saturday because I was committed to play in a charity golf tournament that morning. I'm not sure what happened in the four hours they were in the car alone, but when they picked me up at the airport it seemed like they had done a Vulcan Mind-meld and their brains were one. They were also very touchy-feely with each other. Very awkward, and uncomfortable, but I guess this is the longest Brown has been away from his lady friend, and Big was the closest body available.

I ended up flying up to meet them. Actually it was sort of nostalgic for me, reminded me of a past life, past job when I used to travel a lot for work and spent a lot of time in airports. It got to the point where I had security screenings down to a science, much like it was portrayed in 'Up in the Air' with George Clooney. To my surprise my trip started off by getting bumped into First Class. Supposedly they had a lot of missed connections that they were putting on my flight, and somehow I got bumped to first where I even got the draw of meeting a very nice, attractive girl that was traveling back to Tulsa from LSU since their classes were done for the semester.

After drudging through some very awkward pauses in conversation at the baggage claim, her answering my cell when Big and Brown called, we parted ways after exchanging numbers and I got into Browns car to a smattering of "What the Fuck took you so long?" and "I've had to piss for like an hour now!" We made our way to the hotel, checked in, and I started to super phone some places to eat on the way to the show. We walked our way down to Brady Theater where we realized that Tulsa has a WNBA team, and it seems the Tulsa Shock is a big attraction for this town. After about 5 minutes of dismay that there were so many people going to a WNBA game we crossed the railroad tracks, debated if we were going the right direction, scanning for quick escape routes, we see Brady Theater. Right across the street is the Mexicali Border Cafe so we put our names on the list and wait outside making our own personal commentary to the caliber of people we've been surrounded by. Is Conan O'Brien to the Gingers as Jon Stewart is to the Jews?

After we eat our food in just enough time to get to the show we walk across the street, get to our seats and just continue our amazement of our surroundings. Particularly the thicker, buxom blond two rows up that's openly flirting with the college kid in front of us. I can't forget to mention his parents were sitting next to him. I don't know remember how their conversation started, but I remember her saying "I worked real hard for these tickets!" Where my initial response was "I bet she's a stripper." It was confirmed (in our minds) when her husband, yes I said husband, showed up and he was easily 350 lbs. Not to mention the tickets were $50 each. Factor that each dance is $20, 3 minutes a dance, subtract the house fee, maybe she's right. She did have to work hard to pay for the tickets!

The lights dim and a very recognizable comes over the speakers to introduce the opening act, Reggie Watts. Out comes a man with a full on flowing afro and beard. If you've never heard of Reggie Watts, or seen the man, you must look him up (or click on the link I provided). His act is a blend of working different accents with his own musical compositions of looping his human beat boxing. I think he did about 3 songs, but his biggest song he did was called "Fuck Shit Stack." (NSFW due to language). The song was genius, and hilarious, he had a great way of presenting it, and stage presence with his body language and on stage antics. Brown also pointed out to me that behind us was a mother that was standing over her son ear muffing him as the dad stood there drinking his beverage laughing.

After Reggie Watts was done, that same familiar voice (we figured it out, Andy Richter) introduced the "Legally Prohibited Band" that was pretty much the same band from Conan's Late Night/ Tonight Show band, sans Max Weinberg. They proceeded to play two songs and where LaBamba and the horns went out into the audience and played some great music. Then the lights go out and a video pops up on the screen of a sketch with Conan and what he was doing two months prior to the live show tour. Now Conan comes out, beard and all. The show itself was a mixture of his unique brand of comedy everyone's familiar with from his TV show, and a comedy rock show. There were short video sketches, Conan being as goofy as he wants to be, giant inflatable bats (From a Meatloaf tour), audience exchanges and a lot of indirect stabs at some guy who must not be named, NBC executives, and his suspension from television, radio and even internet.

Conan brought out some of his familiar bits from his show like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, the Walker Texas Ranger Lever... sorry, I mean the Chuck Norris Rural Policeman Handle, and the Masturbating Bear... sorry, I mean the Self Pleasuring Panda (which of course this guy has a personal affinity for). Deon Cole, one of Conan's writers, came out and did his own short set and Andy Richter had his own little segment. Something that Conan's been doing at every city, to personalize the show, is bring a local celebrity on stage with him. Dallas got Dirk, and earlier Reggie Watts teased that we were getting Kings of Leon. That boy got jokes. No, in Tulsa we got Hanson. Fucking HANSON! Although I will say they were not bad, but this was a perfect opportunity to get another beverage. After the last song, and everyone went off stage to a standing ovation, I decided to start a "USA! USA! USA!" chant that was sort of the theme of night that carried through the entire crowd until Conan and the band came back on stage with Conan saying "Tulsa you got me with the USA chant."

In all the show was well worth the trip. It was fun. It was funny. It was hilarious. Well worth it, and I'm curious how Conan will format his new show that begins on TBS in November. Guess we'll have to wait and see. The rest of the night was spent wandering aimlessly through the streets of downtown Tulsa. Bar hopping from neon sign to neon sign as we slowly walked our way back to the hotel. One bar I had a my ass blatantly grabbed by this drunk girl that came in with a group of guys. Another bar there was a Bachelorette party that had lost the Bachelorette. So they did NOT care about my half assed attempt of flirting. In that same bar, Brown was trying to get me to hit on this cougar that was clearly out of her element in this college-esque bar. As she passed by us one of the guys in that group looked back at another and told his buddy "I'm going to fuck your mom tonight!" I left it at that.

The night ended with a with us ordering a large Munchie pizza from Mary Janes Pizza; Mainly because as we arrived back at our hotel the pizza delivery guy was wearing a Bret "The Hitman" Hart T-shirt. So we ordered our own, then the bourbon took over and we crashed. The next morning we slowly arose, packed and began our four hour journey back to Dallas, back to normalcy.