A Series of Unfortunate Events

My new job has kept me quite busy, and has actually allowed me to do some traveling. In a past life/job I used to travel all the time. I lived out of a suitcase, and just got accustomed to it. You know that scene in Up in the Air where George Clooney scans the security lines, the people waiting to go through and slides in behind the Asians because he knows they're the fastest to get through. I too learned the art of getting through TSA security lines, and it would definitely come in handy this day.

Back in my traveling days (this is going to date me a bit) I used to always blog on MySapce about my experiences and observations on the road. For your reading convenience I have re-posted two of my favorite ones here, and here. It was common for me to be gone nearly a month at a time just to return for a week, and be back out on the road again. Most of the time I got to fly, but on those unfortunate moments I'd have to drive. Longest drive I ever did solo was from Fort Worth to Atlanta, Atlanta to Norfolk, Virginia, Norfolk to Pittsburg, then finishing the trip out from Pittsburg to Akron, OH where I got to fly home. Saw a lot of the country, but holy cow that was a beating. Luckily I'm not with that company anymore, and luckily this company is completely on board with flying.

With my job, I get to go down to Austin once a month for some personal one-on-one time with our marketing department and my boss, the Commercial Marketing Director. I'm not going to complain because I love Austin. It's always nice to get down there and work with the people I talk to everyday. I've been down there, in this capacity 4 or 5 times already, and each time it's like riding a bike... I slide right back into my traveling experience to judge time for parking, security lines, boarding, et cetera. On this day, the traveling gods decided to test my patience, and they almost won.

The morning started out like any other travel morning. I knew what time my flight was, and I had already decided that since it was a only a day trip I was going to park at the terminal (bam, 10 more minutes of sleep available). I like to fly American Airlines for convenience of where the airport is located and it's just what I'm most comfortable with. If you fly American Airlines, you'll typically fly out of DFW's C terminal; better known as American's domestic terminal, so usually they're always on the ball due to the amount of traffic that goes in and out of there. When I get there I park in the middle garage, since my gate was C-15, walk in to get my ticket and I see there's a bit of a line for security. Still nothing out of the norm. It's a Friday morning, you have business travelers flying home, weekend travelers getting away, completely understood. I get my ticket, start to walk down the line to get to the end. I walk... I walk... I keep walking until what feels like 100 yards. The line is two rows deep and when I find the end, it's just a jumbled mass of people. I don't panic. I still have an hour for my flight. I know there's more than one security line in each terminal. I'll go to another one.

I casually walk to the end of the terminal (C-35) because I'm thinking maybe the lines are smaller here. They are not. Again, I don't panic. I still have almost an hour for my flight. At this time I'm applauding my decision to park at the gate instead of the outside lots. I decide "OK, I'll just go to the other security check-in at the beginning of the terminal. It's got to be shorter!" I walk, slightly brisker this time, past the middle security point (which hasn't changed) to get to the security check-in at C-1. No different. Long ass line. Now I'm slightly beginning to panic. After all the walking I've burned off 15 minutes and now I have a little under 45 minutes until my flight. Boarding is beginning in 10 minutes. Best thing for me to do is go back to the security check-in closest to my gate and attempt to wait it out. I walk back to the middle security check-in and this is when the panic sets it.

When I initially got in line there was myself and a guy with his wife (at least I'm assuming it was his wife), by this time they weren't more than 5 feet from where we started. I asked the TSA agent how long this check point was running and she informed me "it's taking about an hour and a half to get through. We only have one security lane running." WHAT?!? You've got to be kidding me. What the F am I going to do now? I'm thinking about going out to my car, and driving over to Terminal A, but then I don't want to have to take a Terminal Connect bus when I get back, so I go outside and see about 20 people waiting at the Terminal Connect bus stop. I glance around in panic (40 minutes to my flight) and see a cab driver standing by his car. I approach him and ask "how much to get to Terminal A?" "$7" he responds in his best spanglish. I give him $15 and say "Get me to gate A-30 as fast as you can!"

I'll give the guy credit. He did his best New York taxi experience impersonation weaving in and out of traffic, coming to a screeching stop in front of the security check point at the end of terminal A. I briskly walk inside and find there's still a line, but it's less than a quarter the size of terminal C and they have 2 lanes running. I do something I rarely ever do, but I sneak up to the Priority Access line and immediately get to the TSA agent. I ask her "I have 20 minutes to my flight out of Terminal C, Gate 15, what's the likelyhood of making it?" She looks at her watch, then turns back to look at the security lines then replies with "If you don't get stopped up in security, you'll be fine." This is where I bust into action. In a flash I had my shoes off, belt off, everything emptied into a bin, laptop slid out across my bag and I was through security in no time. I grabbed all my stuff, ran in my socks with my shoes and belt in hand up the escalator to catch the Skylink, where I made it in just enough time (think sliding through the doors as they were closing time). Now I can get dressed.

Skylink has 2 stops within each terminal. I checked my flight status on my phone; Still on-time, still Terminal C, gate 15. The automated Skylink attendant says "Terminal C, gates 1-20." This is my stop. I'm dressed, and ready. I have about 5 gates to walk, and I'm there. As I approach the gate somethings off. There's no-one there, but the plane is still there. I get closer and I see Las Vegas, departing at 9:30. Did I miss the flight? I walk up to the gate agent and ask "Did I miss the flight to Austin at 7:45?" She types up some stuff and says "No, you're flight was moved to gate 35!" My brain just completely shuts down in frustration at this point. My only option is to run. This is the first time ever I've had to run through a terminal. I was even passing those stupid terminal carts that shuttle old people, fat people, and old and fat people around. 20 gates later, I arrive. I walk up to the gate, give my ticket to the agent, she scans it and I finally board the plane. I promptly take my seat, ask the attendant for some napkins, because I'm sweating and want to dry off. All I want do now is throw on some music on my iPhone and forget all that transpired. I left my headphones in the car!